So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
