We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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