Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
