I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
