i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
