I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize