I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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