just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry about my life...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
