Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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