Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
