I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
