evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
