It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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