new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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