I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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