There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
