Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
