"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
