Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Too much gin, very little bucket
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
