I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just puked most of my soul out..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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