No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
