Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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