i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
