I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
