Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
