So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize