who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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