I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
