I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
