i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
