Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
