forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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