Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
