There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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