I need help removing her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
