i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
