But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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