did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
