marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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