South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
