can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize