bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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