can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
