my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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