I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize