I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Quick, to the slutcave!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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