I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love having hate sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize