New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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