no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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