so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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