my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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