This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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