I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
