yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
