she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
