Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
