I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
