Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
