I'll bet she douches with gravy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
