Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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