I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
