i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
