I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
